Find Yourself
by Fluffadoodle
Summary: All Selene had was her title as Champion, her team, and the Ultra Beasts, which she was perfectly fine with. Advice from Blue and Red told her otherwise. Selene x Helio, Snowlilyshipping (Hau x Lillie), Originalshipping/Namelesshipping


At first, she did it for the Ultra Beasts. Keeping them in Beast Balls for eternity felt no better than simply killing them, but letting them out anywhere near the general populus sounded more disastrous than telling Hau that Lillie had visited last Tuesday on a layover on her way to Sinnoh without letting him know.

After Lusamine had been transported to Kanto, funds for the Aether Foundation started to drop off the deep end. Budgets shrank, the labs closed down, and Ms. Wicke found that nobody wanted to give a cent to the foundation that almost ended Alola. Aether Paradise went up for sale a year after Selene detained the final UB, and Ms. Wicke moved their operations inland, hoping that more public access would boost their reputation anyways.

Selene found herself the youngest, poorest, and most honest out of a horde of interested buyers, all seeking to build their own beautiful estate and out-do their rich companions. Figuring she ought to make the decision simple, Selene withdrew her offer early on. She would find a different place to house the UBs. However, Ms. Wicke contacted her a week later claiming she couldn't bear the idea of handing over this beautiful haven to some stuck-up spoiled brat living off Daddy's inheritence who would just let the place go to waste the second they got bored. Wicke would accept the lowered offer on the promise that Selene would treat the place well and help the Aether Foundation rebuild their reputation.

And so Selene did it for the UBs. Installing a rubber ceiling costed her almost more than she had, but picking up a couple weekend jobs chucking Pyukumuku and taking on a couple rich old veterans positive they could outdo the now-seventeen year old champion found her with the cash needed to update the place.

She released a Kartana first, Decidueye by her side, ready to intervene the second the creature made a wrong move.

It didn't, instead floating in place, confused and out of place. It took five minutes and seven seconds, not that Selene was counting, for it to move. The tiny thing hovered towards her first and Decidueye pulled out an arrow, ignoring Selene's gesture to put it back.

Looker and Nanu had suggested she smelled like home to it in an odd way, being a Faller. As the Kartana pressed itself gently against her arm, she didn't doubt them. She ignored the slight nick it left on her shoulder and gently ran her fingers over the flat of its blade. It shifted in excitement, its sharp edge suddenly jerking up and slicing into her arm. Selene bit back a shriek and pulled her arm away, and less than a second later the Kartana was stitched to the floor, Decidueye glaring down at it.

Selene took several deep breaths, watching the blood dribble down her arm and stain her shirt. She managed to wriggle a sock off with her good arm and shoved it against the cut as best she could before recalling the Kartana.

All in all, it could've gone much, much worse.

* * *

Selene fell for Hau at the start of her journey, way back when she found herself anxiously carrying her Rowlet around in her arms in this new region. However, it became clear early on that he had eyes only for Lillie, so she moved on, heartbroken.

She couldn't remember when she first saw Gladion, but she remembers her heart pounding the second they first made eye contact. His soft blonde hair, his dark, knowledgeable aura, his clear, ringing voice - who wouldn't fall for that?

About a year after Lusamine was transported to Kanto, while Selene was working to stop the Xurkitrees, Gladion returned. With roses. And chocolate.

A long, difficult year after that, Selene decided that whoever she found herself with next needed to know how to do their own laundry properly.

Meeting Red had been a dream come true and she thought she had finally found her other half in the silent Kantonian trainer, even if he had seven years on her, until she found him making out with Blue in Melemele Meadow. She tried to erase the memory as much as possible, but the burning image of Blue's Pikachu underwear wrapped around his ankles still haunted her some nights as she mourned her single status.

She considered travelling to another region to find someone who could match her, but the thought of leaving the UBs unattended or taking them anywhere outside of the former Aether Paradise stopped those daydreams.

One day, she would find someone right for her.

Just not anytime soon.

* * *

Mimikyu's disguise ripped from the neck to the tail, and the poor creature refused to leave the corner. Selene knew better than to try and get a glimpse at what he truly looked like, and instead pulled an all-nighter making a cleaner, cuter costume for it. One that wouldn't get stains from Toxic, either. She grimaced, remembering the resulting nightmare from when her mom's poor, stupid Meowth licked a suspicious spot on Mimikyu's old "ear". Never again.

Of course, the Pokemon didn't take to the new disguise immediately. It was stiff, unused, and smelled like laundry, not to mention that it no longer resembled a Pikachu but instead some happy unnamed purple blob, but Mimikyu got used to it eventually. The faux fur lining inside had been a pain to put together, but Selene didn't regret it when Mimikyu, for the first time, didn't spend the winter shivering next to the furnace.

Dressed in her full rubber suit, Selene found her evenings spent wrapped up in Xurkitree, wishing she could provide it with the home it so clearly missed.

She didn't know what to do with any of them anymore. Both of the Xurkitree were trained to provide power for the manmade island, the Kartanas now knew how to chop and cook, the Buzzwoles had an entire weight training room to mess around and destroy things in. Still, Nihilego and Guzzlord remained in their Beast Balls. The former still brought nightmares, and the latter because she simply had no room for it. All the beasts were growing bored and restless.

Burnet suggested she train and battle them, just like her other Pokemon, but Selene couldn't bring herself to do it. She just wanted to get them back home, impossible, dangerous and risky as it would be.

* * *

"Rumor had it that you threw that thing to the bottom of the ocean," Blue commented over his plate of malasada, nodding towards the Beast Ball rolling back and forth between Selene's palms.

"I almost did," she admitted. "After seeing what it did to Lusamine…"

"You were afraid. Understandable. If I was in your position at your age, I probably would've done it, too."

"What would you do now?"

"Study it, of course. Toxins with the power to kill have the power to heal."

Selene paused, before twirling the ball and nearly knocking it off the table.

"The reason Anabel got the International Police to give up the UBs to me is so they'd live better lives than simply being lab rats," she said.

Blue shrugged. "The IP would treat them as lab rats. Have you seen my gramps's facilities? In Kanto? I know you were born there, and some parts of his ranch are free to the public for tours."

"No. We lived in Lavender until I was six, and then spent a year in Johto before moving to Pewter for my dad's work."

"Lavender, huh? Explains all the ghosties you got everywhere. What is the Mimikchu even supposed to _be?_ "

"Mimikyu, not Mimikchu. I don't know. I wanted him to stop trying to be a different Pokemon, so I just made him his own. And I don't have that many ghosts."

Blue smirked. "Of course not. Half your main team isn't much, anyways."

Had it been anyone else, Selene would've tried to defend herself further. "Guilty as charged," she muttered instead. She picked at the sour malasada on her plate, trying to clear her mind and focus on the beauty of the park.

"You need to leave your team for a while," Blue said suddenly, and Selene froze.

"What?"

"You need to leave your team, leave your ultra beasts, and go out on your own for a while."

"I can't say I follow."

Blue sighed, setting his plate down beside him, examining the scene before him as he gathered his thoughts.

The sun shone on the light grass, and kids romped through the bushes pursuing a playful Whimisicott. Ripples spread across the peaceful rivers and a young couple sat pressed together on a bridge, legs dangling over and bare toes splashing the water. Families laughed and moms pushed strollers in pairs, gossipping over the latest fashion. An older brother tried to show his younger sister how to catch a Rattata, and just as Blue turned back to look at Selene the little girl managed to hit the creature with a Nest Ball.

"We all have to do it at some point, Selene. I dumped my team with Red and spent half a year in Stark Mountain in Sinnoh. I couldn't take it anymore. Red did the same, the second time he went up on Mt. Silver. It was hell. You freeze, you die, you find yourself, and you come back. Your Pokemon are your life, Selene. Of course they are. Mine define me, and Red… Well, maybe he'd talk more if his damned electric rat didn't do the threatening for him. And that's why you need to leave them behind for a while.

"Eleven is when you're too young and too old to start Pokemon training, which is why it's perfect for most people. They have a human journey. They make friends. They have adventures. And when they're about fifteen they realize that their Chikorita their parents bought them can evolve and they learn how to battle, _actually_ battle, and their Pokemon journey truly begins.

"But you? You took to Pokemon. Some of us do. I did. Red did. You knew how to battle the second your Rowlet flew into your arms. You became the first champion your region had ever seen when you were fourteen. And so you don't know who you are as a person. You know who you are as a trainer.

"So you need to ditch your best friends, your family, the only things on the planet who truly understand you, and _you_ need to understand you."

Blue took a deep breath and leaned back. The girl had caught the Rattata and was clinging to her brother's legs, Nest Ball gripped tightly in her hands.

"You rehearsed that speech," Selene accused, resting her chin on her palms. She stared at the Beast Ball on the ground before her. "Even if I had someone I could trust the Ultras to, I don't understand how it could possibly be safe to leave without at least Decidueye."

"You do have someone. Me. Hell, you can lock their balls if you're worried I'll treat 'em like lab rats. Red'll keep an eye on me too. And they got this product called 'Max Repel.' Works like a charm. Or, if you're that worried, I'll lend you a 'mon. He won't bond to you, he won't listen to you, he'll keep you safe in emergencies. Whatever."

Selene grimaced. "Nobody I know has done anything like that. I doubt it's necessary. I know who I am."

"Selene, you went on a date last week and called Red afterwards bawling that you could never love anyone because all you were was a Pokemon Trainer. You know you need this."

"That's the _thing_. I _am_ just a Pokemon Trainer. I can't _be_ anything else and I don't _want_ to be anything else."

"Am I just a Pokemon trainer? Is Red?"

"I'm not either of you."

"No. Right now you're nothing."

Selene called her dad for the first time since she moved to Alola that night. He didn't answer.

* * *

Unova loomed over everything, its buildings scraping up into the heavens. Everywhere Selene wandered train tracks, roads, paved paths showed dozens of possibilities. Pokemon she had never dreamed of wandered the ways and scurried along the dirty sidewalks of the cities.

Loneliness sunk in deep. She felt naked without any Pokemon on her and scared every time she remember the Ultra Beasts back home, under Red's careful watch. She couldn't do this. She couldn't stay so far away from her life.

She glanced down at her feet. New sneakers, plainly advertised as running shoes. Short crew socks. Knee-length shorts. Baggy T-shirt. Backpack, not messenger bag.

Her Z-ring was left back home. Her key stone was left back home. All she had were clothes, repels, and her ID with a bag of pocket change.

She was alone.

With nowhere to be, Selene caught a movie. Apparently Unova's should-be champion spent her free time flirting with some celebrity and appeared in all the B-list productions. She sucked at playing the role of new trainer; Hilda had an air of command and confidence about her regardless of how hard she tried to act on the big screen.

Chargestone Cave felt like Xurkitree's desperate embrace, and a passing Galvantula made Selene want for her Vikavolt. Celestial Tower's beauty astounded her, and when the lady at the top told her she could ring the bell, Selene pulled the rope with all her heart, back and forth, relishing in the clarity of the sound until the night's cold numbed her hands. Twist Mountains' never-ending clanging from mining echoed the sound eerily, and her tour of Pinwheel forest found her focusing more and more on seeking out the sound of bells and less on how the Cottonnee seemed brighter than at home.

She boarded a plane and flew to Sinnoh and wandered to nowhere. She dwelled in the museums, and camped in the Floaroma Meadow, cradling a bouquet of flowers to her chest. She cried and wished for home, wished for the clarity of the bells to be the clarity of her life, and wished to know what she was doing, melting in the rains of the Pastoria marsh on a tour when she had Pokemon to care for.

* * *

She hadn't known Red was capable of showing affection for anyone other than Blue until she found herself locked in his arms. Blue stood, smiling ever so slightly, behind his other half.

"Two years," she stated when the silent champion finally let her go.

"Two years," Blue agreed. "Did it help?"

"I couldn't come back and I couldn't stay away," she shrugged. "I don't know."

Blue smirked. "Well, time to say hi to Decidueye. He's had it pretty rough."

* * *

Of course Kukui and Hala insisted on a returning celebration. Bells rang, children danced, and Selene snuck out the the Ruins of Conflict once more.

Someone watched her as she crossed the bridge, and eyes bored into her as she sat and meditated before the empty altar. Human eyes.

* * *

Selene groaned as the Charizard circled above her floating home and recalled Buzzwole to take outside. She had chased off too curious intruders before, this would be no different.

She stood out on the balcony and stoically watched the newcomer land. He - short-haired, four inches taller than she, black hair, black eyes, lightly tanned face - slid off the Charizard with ease. Selene whistled at it to stay, and looked straight into the kid's eyes.

"Private property. Out."

He didn't budge and instead nodded at the dragon. It took off, and Selene scowled.

"I have an invitation," he said calmly.

"Not from me, that's for damn sure, and I own the place," she reputed.

"From Kukui. He insisted I come here."

"For what? Who are you?"

"To talk to you. I'm Helio. I moved to Alola shortly after you left, and got through the league."

Selene sighed. "So you're here to challenge me? Couldn't you have waited until I was back at the league site?"

"No, I'm not here to challenge you. I'm here to talk to you."

"...About what?"

At this, Helio stepped back and clapped his hand to the back of his neck. "I… Kukui said that you had something special going on here. Some sort of special Pokemon deal. He wanted me to come here to learn more about them."

"Stay right there. I'm going to call Kukui. He told me nothing of this."

"It's amazing how calm they are now," was all Helio had to say at the end of the grand tour. Selene shrugged.

"There are more. Guzzlord and Nihilego. They're still in their Beast Balls."

"Why?"

"Guzzlord because I have no place safe for it. It's huge - fourteen feet tall, and it eats everything in its path. I've let it out four times before, and while it most likely won't eat me, everything else is fair game. Literally everything else."

"And Ni… Ni-hi…"

"Nihilego?"

"Yes."

Selene rubbed her eyes. "Too dangerous."

"And-And that, the twelve foot electric monster, that isn't?"

"Don't ask me about Nihilego." Having the ball back was a curse in itself. She had picked up the habit of carrying it with her everywhere once more. While Blue had it, he said he had just released it to gather some of its venom and locked it back away at her request.

"Isn't it considered abuse now to leave a Pokemon in stasis for over a year?"

"It's not hurt any. It's hardly aware of time passing. Besides, it's not a Pokemon. Laws don't apply."

Helio studied her harshly, and Selene suddenly remembered the festival. Someone was watching her.

"Release it."

"What? No."

"Is it too big to be released here?" His eyes begged her to say yes. She was better than this.

"No. It's just…"

"Will it kill us immediately or something? Explode? Stab us faster than our Pokemon can stop it?"

"No."

"Then what's the matter? People like you and me deal with crazy dangerous Pokemon every day. Gyarados. Hypno. Hell, that Mimikyu could kill you by just taking off that ridiculous costume. What's so different about Nihilego?"

Selene scowled, hand trailing down to the dreaded Beast Ball. "I told you not to ask. I showed you the Ultras. You can go now."

"Yeah…" Chagrin. "Actually, about that… Can I spend the night? Kinda low on cash to stay in a motel and it's been a while since I've slept in a bed."

Selene wanted to scream at him in frustration.

"Sure. Whatever."

* * *

"Yeah, he's really cool. Came up to the Battle Tree, gave us a run for our money, but not quite up at your level," Blue said, leaning back into the grass. Selene mimicked him. "He could be one day, though."

"Cool. Probably could beat me - haven't battled much as of late."

"Oh, cut the crap. You nailed Red last night."

"We each only used one Pokemon, and I had the type advantage. Of course I did."

Blue barked out a laugh. "Whatever you say. But I think you should meet him, so I went to the liberty of inviting him here today."

Selene sighed. "I wouldn't expect anything else from you."

"Hey, he's kinda cute. Not as cute as me, of course, or for my dear boyfriend you fell so hard for -" - Selene blushed furiously - "-but not bad. And god knows you could use some human company out in your little mega-boat."

"What, you're suggesting he moves in? Jeez, no. No."

"No, I'm suggesting you invite someone other than me and Red over for movie nights so you have a friend who you're not just third-wheeling."

"I invited Hau over."

"And now he's in Kanto, getting married next month to whatsherface."

Selene huffed. Lillie and Hau argued constantly, avoided each other constantly, but at some point they had to make up on their own without Selene to constantly serve as a buffer between them. Worked out for the better, apparently.

"Look, he'll be here soon, so just try and be polite. You two may take off. You got a lot in common," Blue commanded. Selene rolled over and pushed her face farther into the soft grass of the park. "You haven't seen anyone since that emo brat, you've fallen right back into your old routines of drowning yourself in those Ultra Beasts, and the public gets bored if the big wigs don't have any drama going on."

"I refuse to date someone for publicity."

"Still. Hey, he's here. Helio!" Blue sat back up and waved.

"Helio? Did you just say-" Selene shoved herself to her knees and froze.

"Blue! Selene," Helio said cordially. "Mind if I take a seat?"

"Go for it," Blue said heartily. "You two have met?"

"Yes," Selene stated. Blue cocked an eyebrow.

"She showed me around her Ultra Beast facility," Helio explained. "Kukui had sent me there to learn more about them."

Blue nodded, looking a bit skeptical. "Makes sense. And did you happen to talk about much else?"

"No, didn't have the time," Selene said stiffly. "And speaking of time, I've been gone for three hours now. Need to make sure neither of the Xurkitree shorted the place - some of the wiring's getting old."

She felt Blue's displeasure even after she arrived back home.

* * *

"She's a good person. Trust me," Blue said, passing Helio a malasada. "She pours her life into those Ultra Beasts and, little as she talks about it, rebuilding the Aether Foundation. She rehabilitates Pokemon and has worked with the International Police for cases dealing with trafficking and abuse."

"And yet she abuses one of her own?" Helio asked, squinting against the setting sun.

"What? Which one?"

"One of the Ultras she said she didn't let out."

"Oh, the glutton one? That thing's huge. She's let it out before, but it's just hard to find a good place for it. She tries to."

"No. The other one. Nigo or something."

Blue studied Helio for a second. "She's got good reason for that. She's got a bad history with those things, and I doubt possessing the only one in this dimension is easy for her to deal with."

"Then she ought to give it up!"

"Helio, kid, she can't. It's a personal deal she's got to get over. I was hoping after she came back she'd be ready, but she may not be for another couple years."

"Yeah. That too. Why'd she leave?"

Blue smiled a bit. "Some of us don't cope with growing up so fast that well. She didn't want to, at first, I can tell you that much."

Helio frowned. "What was so bad with Nihilego that she has to lock it up?"

"That's a story for you to ask her about. Say, Red and I are busting into her place day after tomorrow to watch some movies if you wanna join in. Her place has a full blown theater room and what was once the best sound system in all the region. Lusamine spared no expense on that dinky old boat."

* * *

Decidueye refused to leave Selene's side since she left. He understood, of course. He understood everything about her. But it didn't mean he wanted to risk losing her again. The ghostly Pokemon had debated stitching her shadow to his on more than one occasion, but figured that would be going a bit too far.

Some of the others had been upset with her for leaving. The damned iron cat, Solgaleo, had ignored her in revenge for the week following her arrival. Mimikyu had gone about it like nothing had changed, instead proudly displaying the patch job he did on the head of his costume. Vikavolt followed her about for a couple days before accepting she was here to stay and going back to his usual activities.

The Ultras… Decidueye never cared for anything they did. Their reactions were all as he expected.

* * *

"The bell is new," Blue observed, walking into the main entrance of the Paradise.

"Yeah. Fell in love with them after seeing the one at Celestial Tower. Gives me clarity," Selene explained. "I got the Buzzwole to hang it up. Lurantis likes ringing it too. Anyways, I got some pretty terrible movies from Unova starring their champion. Wanna see?"

"Of course. Also, Helio's coming."

Selene glared at the former champion.

"What? You left so rudely last time, I felt bad. Anyways, he's bringing chedder popcorn. You love chedder popcorn."

"Whatever. At least I got Red here. He doesn't pull this crap."

Red disagreed, silent as ever.

"It was his idea," Blue informed her. "He let me know before the picnic you ruined."

"I need better friends," Selene declared.

Helio showed up halfway through the second movie, and true to Blue's word, brought chedder popcorn. Whatever dislike she had for the tall boy was put on hold - she needed an ally to take Blue and Red down in the post-movie pillow fight, after all.

* * *

"What's this?"

"Birthday present from Helio, yeah. Festival's tomorrow to celebrate it, by the way. Hala insisted."

"...Then why wouldn't he just give it to me at the festival tomorrow?" Selene examined the small brown package, duct taped shut with "TO SELENE" scribbled sloppily on the side and a cheap dollar-store bow hot glued to the top.

"Because he's even more of an awkward Ducklett than you, yeah, and insisted I do the dirty work," Kukui explained. "And he told me about it beforehand. I offered to give it to you since I figured you were stopping in today anyways, yeah?"

"Suurrrre. Can I open it now?"

"Nah, cousin. Your birthday's tomorrow; you can wait."

"Alrighty. Well, here's the most recent data I got on Guzzlord's moves…"

* * *

Selene studied the Premier Ball before her. She'd opened everything else at the party and now had a second Master Ball, some new socks, and tickets to some new show, and now all that was left was Helio's gift.

Some part of her feared that he had somehow caught a Nihilego, but she doubted it. He wasn't that cruel, and Kukui wouldn't let him.

Five minutes of dreaded uncertainty passed before Selene gathered enough courage to release the Pokemon inside.

Out popped a tiny ball of yellow, two candy-cane striped ropes sticking out of its head, with a wide mouth and two black eyes. The thing sparkled and shone, chiming all the while. Her Rotom Dex flew out to analyze it before she could ask it to.

"Lookzzzz like you got yourzzelf a shiny here, girl!" Rotom declared a moment later. "Chingling! Ain't it cute. Level one, just a baby. Who got it for you? The tall dude? Blue? Quiet guy?"

"Helio…"

"Aw, well, ain't it cute."

Selene nodded quietly, watching the little Chingling roll across the desk, ringing ever so gently.

* * *

"How old is Helio?" Chingling swung and hopped back and forth between Selene's arms, happily ringing the entire time."

"I dunno. I think a year younger than you? How old are you these days?" Blue asked tiredly.

"I'm twenty now."

"Mm. Yeah. He's nineteen, pretty sure. Why? Giving him a second chance? And can you get that damned thing to shut up? I don't care if it's shiny or not, I need _quiet_."

"Your own fault for drinking half the beer last night. And he gave me the Chingling."

Blue sobered almost instantly. "He gave you a shiny? Woman, why aren't you bowing down at his feet in thanks?"

"I don't have his number and I haven't seen him since last week. Kukui gave it to me for him."

"Arceus, hold on, lemme call that idiot. You don't just give away shinies. Why didn't he get _me_ one?" Blue fumbled for his phone, and Selene couldn't help but laugh while he panickedly punched in Helio's number. "Yeah? Helio? Dumbskull? Get over to Malie Park. Yes, Selene's here. No, I don't care. Get your fat ass over here _now_."

Helio showed up exactly four minutes and seventeen seconds later, not that Selene was counting. His hair stuck up in every direction and his shirt was on backwards. Selene laughed more, and Chingling rang in an eery imitation.

"What?" Helio asked, flopping down across from them. "Is it the Chingling?"

"YES," Blue roared. "You got a _shiny_ and you just _gave it to her?_ Not even in person?!"

"I… yeah…" Helio mumbled, staring at his feet.

"Thank you," Selene said, cutting off Blue's next tirade. "She's amazing."

"Yeah! One of my friends is a breeder, and said to give her to someone special. I figured, since you like bells and all… I almost forgot your birthday and didn't go to the party, so I thought it'd be a good… you know…"

Selene smiled, and the both of them talked, ignoring red-faced Blue.

* * *

"You need to let Nihilego out for a while."

Helio had started visiting on the weekends, in between the Battle Royal tournaments he'd grown so fond of. Selene didn't mind - he helped give the Kartana things to do and tidied the Buzzwole gardens. Plus, he always had treats for Null.

"I'd really rather not," Selene said, mashing some Pokebeans into a paste for Chingling.

"It's not what you'd rather do, it's what you need to do. I'm right here. You'll be safe," Helio said, stepping closer to her.

"It doesn't know it's been gone. It's fine."

"No. Come on, Selene. Five minutes. That's it."

Selene offered some of the paste to Chingling. "Why do you insist on this so?"

"How can everyone claim you devote your life to Ultras when you keep one trapped like that?"

"I don't claim that."

"Selene, please. At least tell me why you won't."

Selene sighed, and pulled Nihilego's Beast Ball out of her bag. "Bad history."

"That's not enough of an explanation and you know it." Helio stood a tad too close to her, eyes searching too much for an answer.

"Long story," Selene offered instead.

"Well, I got all the time in the world. So let's hear it."

Selene grimaced. "Not today."

* * *

It was the anniversary of Lusamine's death, and Selene wasted herself on alcohol alone in the labs, all Pokemon and Ultra beasts recalled. The Paradise was empty save her, her and the thrice-damned Beast Ball in her hands, a promise of comfort and hell at rest inside.

Maybe it was the missed calls, maybe an offhand comment from Burnet on what a terrible day it was, maybe just some deep gut instinct, but Helio decided to stop in, panicking as he worked his way through the dark island. Selene wasn't in her room, wasn't in the conservation area, wasn't in the rubber room, wasn't in the kitchen, wasn't…

Crying. Downstairs, he heard it. Choked sobs echoed through the hallways, and Helio pushed his way into the first secret lab. Power was running at a minimum, and the room froze from being so close to the cold sea.

Selene sat, curled before him, teary eyes glued to the Beast Ball gripped tightly within her hands. Helio sucked in his breath before kneeling before her.

"I hate these damn things," Selene stated, knuckles whitening around the ball.

"What things?" Helio asked softly.

"Nihilego. Hate them. There were so many, and Guzma… Lillie…" Selene buried her face in her knees. "I hate them!"

"What happened?"

"Should do what Blue thought I would and chuck the damn thing in the ocean. But then it might escape, and we'd need a new ocean, and a new world, and it'd… it'd kill us!" Selene hiccuped.

"Selene. Please. What happened? What did Nihilego do? Why… Why are you _drunk_?" He'd never seen her even touch a wine bottle before, and now, barely visible in the faint lighting, an untidy stack of empty beer bottles decorated a corner.

"It killed Lillie's Mom!" Selene tried to shout, but her broken voice ruined it. "Killed her three times! Once, to hurt Lillie, twice, to give us all f-fucking _nightmares_ , and three times, to finally e-end it…"

"Selene, it's okay. I need you to calm down and tell me exactly what happened, okay?"

"I want to let it out…"

"Nihilego?"

"I want to see it again… there were so many…"

"Let's not do that right now. Here. Let's just talk. What happened?"

"It might take me. I smell like its home. I'm a Faller," Selene begged nothing. "There were so many, and she was… it was…"

Helio sat worriedly, unsure of what else to do. "Give it to me," he whispered.

"It'll take you too! I can't…" Selene gasped. "It hurt to breathe. It hurt so much to breathe. It still hurts, sometimes. I can't help it. I can't."

Helio gently set his hands over hers. "Selene. I won't let it out. Give it to me. You'll have it back soon enough."

"I don't want it back," she sobbed, pulling the ball in to her chest.

Helio sighed and pulled her close. "It'll be okay," he whispered. "You'll be okay."

They sat together like that, freezing cold, Selene drunkenly sobbing snot into his shirt while Helio whispered whatever comforting thing came to mind. She dozed in and out of consciousness, ball staying strong in her hands.

"Lillie had this… this thing. Nebby. Cosmog," Selene said quietly. Still drunk, Helio noted. "Little tiny space fart, really. Turned out to be Solgaleo. It had been kept here… by Lillie's mom. It was here because it could open up the wormholes."

Helio nodded, still whispering comfort.

"Her mom… her mom was obsessed with the beasts. Met with 'em before, why she was so fucked up about 'em. Lillie doesn't know that. Only me. I read the files. That's why she got so selfish and so terrible. Became obsessed with beauty and the Ultras - how Nihilego can be beautiful I will never… Lusamine got Nebby back and made it open a wormhole, once, and went through it with Guzma to… to love her Nihilego." Helio wasn't sure that Selene was shaking from the cold anymore. "Cosmog became Solgaleo at the altar, and we went to go save her. For Lillie. And Guzma was so scared when we found him, and Guzma's only angry. He's dead now. They killed him. And the Nihilego were everywhere. So manyyy.

"And we found Lusamine, but she disappeared and appeared, and she let out _her_ Nihilego, but they were all hers. And it took her. It fused with her. Pokemon and people don't fuse. It grew so big, she grew so big, it was so dark and I couldn't breathe and nobody could breathe and it smelled so bad and decay and pain and fear and I had to… had to fight her and she… she collapsed, the Nihilego were all… Solgaleo…" Selene started bawling again, weakly pushing herself away from Helio. He pulled her back in, burying his nose in her hair and murmuring more, still listening.

"Lusamine died. Today. Years ago. Lillie took her to Kanto to be cured and she died. They leave toxins. Neurotoxins. They're paradise and fear. Worst fear. I should kill it."

Helio held her close as she dozed off once more, and ran his fingers through her hair until he joined her hours later in sleep.

* * *

"So… I got tickets to this movie. Like, an actual movie. Not any of that Unova crap. And… I thought you might want to come with me?" Helio provided an insecure grin, while Selene blushed and stared at the floor.

"Like… a date?"

"Yeah. Romantic and stuff."

Selene felt her body heat up in embarrassment. "I… yeah? Yeah. Sure. When?"

"Tonight… if that's okay? I could make it another night and get different-"

"Yeah. Yeah! Tonight works. What time?"

"Seven?"

"I… Okay. Um, I gotta get going actually, I'll see you then!"

* * *

The Tapus, technically, belonged to Selene. She caught all of them. However, they hadn't seen the inside of their Pokeball since their initial capture. She could call on them at any time and they'd be compelled to obey, but she knew their importance in the balance.

But she was the best, so they were hers. Or, at least that's what she that.

The Tapus, on the other hand, thought she was _theirs_. And of course they watched their precious Champion's date, and of course they giggled and gossipped in the most formal, Guardian-like way possible, throughout the entirety of the ordeal.

Meanwhile, Blue was raging to Red about how left out he felt.

"They'd still hate each other if it weren't for me!" he whined, throwing himself over his boyfriend's lap. "I made them a thing! And Helio didn't even tell me before asking her!"

Red rolled his eyes, leaning back into their old sofa. For millionaire former champions, they had _really_ skimped out on their apartment furniture. Oh yeah, the apartment's rent hit four digits, but the inside didn't show jack for that.

"They're seeing a _movie_ , Red, and you know how I know? Because Mallow told me! It's not right!"

Red loved Blue, but damn, he did not care. If Helio and Selene were finally giving each other a shot, great. No reason for Blue to be involved.

"Why would he tell Mallow and not me? What'd I ever do?"

Red sighed, tuning out the sound of Blue's complaints, and instead admired the beautiful Alola skyline through their window.

* * *

"You ready?" Selene asked. She was twenty two now, her Pokedex almost full. She'd defended her title as Champion countless times, but never against Helio, and travelled through all the regions once more, this time with her team and boyfriend at her side.

And, in the top deck of the old Paradise, it was time.

"Of course. Got my team right here," he said. "Whenever you want to. Do it."

Selene nodded, glancing back at Decidueye, he tilted his head forward ever so slightly. She threw the ball.

Out it came. Confused.

Helio gasped. He'd seen the Pokedex entry for it, heard her describe it countless times, seen a few old faded pictures, but…

Nihilego possessed an uncanny beauty, unlike any he'd ever imagined. It appeared so delicate, so fragile, so small and scared.

It took three minutes and fifty-six seconds for it to float towards Selene, not that she was counting. She still smelled like home. She still had the aura of a Faller.

"Stop," she commanded. It didn't. She stepped back, and Decidueye stepped forward. Helio tensed.

"Stop," she repeated. This time, Nihilego paused, confused. Selene threw a Pokebean at it, which it caught and sniffed. It ate it and floated closer to Selene. She shook, hard. Decidueye screeched at it, and its attention snapped over to the bird. Venom spouted out from nowhere at the bird and a haunting cry filled the air.

"Primarina, water pulse!" Helio snapped. "Selene, return it!"

Selene didn't need to be told twice. Back away it went, into the Beast Ball. Stasis.

"We'll try again," she promised. "It just takes time."

"It does," Helio agreed. "Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

At first, she did it for the Ultra Beasts. And then her team. And then, she found herself unloading Helio's boxes in the room next to hers.

And when she released Nihilego once more, she didn't do it for the Ultras.

She did it for herself, and the Chingling ringing sweet, sweet freedom.

* * *

AN: So, like, I don't know any of the new ship names. Someone oughtta hook me up once those are all cemented down. Also, the new characters from Sun and Moon aren't in the system yet, but whatever. They will be soon enough. And another thing! I'm still not sure I have the main characters' names right!

But anyways, I cross-posted this to AO3 yesterday, so don't worry if you see it in both places.

I just wrote this yesterday instead of doing homework since I'm garbage and did a quick scan to get a couple errors out. I know it probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense and I dropped a couple things off partway through the story but it's gonna be okay. Please let me know if there was anything in particular you liked about the story, if there's some glaring mistake I need to fix, or if there's just any general thing you'd like to work on. Or hell, let me know whether you looked Sun or Moon better.

Thanks for stopping by, and have a lovely day 3


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